Then Comes Embryos:
At the young age of 25 (Brett 28) Brett and I walked into our very first appointment with an IVF Specialist, Dr. Brooke Friedman. Because I was not there for infertility reasons the doctors were pretty sure I would be an open and shut case. One round, hopefully a good amount of eggs extracted, then embryos frozen. Some of you reading may know what a round of IVF entails. But for those who don't, i’ll give you an idea of what my rounds consisted of. ( obviously not all are the same) For me Dr. Friedman had put me on a total of 7 medications ( 5 which were injections and 2 were pills) one injection and one pill to be taken in the morning and the rest in the evening. Some of the injections were multiple vials, so needless to say, I had to put my big girl panties on real quick! One round takes about 3-4 weeks, so if you're math savvy you can assume how many injections that ends up being. Soon after our appointment with Dr. Friedman we were off to the pharmacy and eager to get started.
Having never done an IVF round before, during my ultra sound appts I was naive to what was happening and if things were going good or bad. One thing I do know, is that I can read people and around the second week I could see some concern on the doctor’s face. Well, my intuition and people reading skills were right and on my next appointment the doctor explained to me I had what they called a “lead follicle”. Basically this follicle was consuming most of the hormone injections and not allowing the other follicles to progress appropriately. During this process the doctors like to see all the follicles comparable in size. There is more of a guarantee there will be more eggs to extract and more will be viable. If they are too small or too large, than often the eggs are not viable to fertilize. So about 4 days before my first egg retrieval I was given the unfortunate news that the doctor recommend I stop my injections and not move forward with the retrieval.
I was disappointed, confused, and sad. A million questions running through my head. Did I not do my injections right? Does this mean I am, after all, infertile? Will this happen again? And most of all “what’s wrong with me? After a few days of wrapping my head around what happened Brett and I scheduled a follow up appointment with Dr. Friedman and made a plan for me to do another round. Before we jumped back in I decided to wait a few months to let my body recoup. Well during that break, Dr. Friedman, whom I adored and had built a bond with, had moved to a different facility. At the time it seemed too overwhelming to move to a new facility so I did my second round with Dr. Garzo to only have the same outcome as the first round. Again my body developed a lead follicle and Dr. Garzo recommended I stop all injections and cancel my retrieval. This news devastated us! To have it happen once you think “ ok, maybe the meds just needed to be adjusted or something” but to have it happen a second time my mind immediately went to “ something is wrong with me and it’s all my fault”. The thought of having a family felt like it was slowly slipping through my fingers and I felt completely lost.
So after that round Brett and I decided it was best to take a step back and regroup. Yet again we did not want this to consume us, so we took some trips and had some tough conversations about us possibly not having children and whether we were going to be ok with that! We would just own 10 Shit Zus and travel world! Well that’s what I had in mind but maybe not Brett! About a year had passed and I was feeling like that last round was not the end of our journey. Brett being the wonderful husband and researcher that he is, found Dr. Friedman and the facility she had moved to. Lucky for us she was still local and not but a mile or two from the previous facility! We made a call and she luckily remembered us and was happy to meet with us to talk about what would be best for us and if we should move forward with another round.
Although I was not turning out to be the open and closed case Dr. Friedman thought I would be, she still had hope for us and encouraged us to do one more round if we were up to it. This lit another fire under us and we decided to say a prayer and go for it. We are now in 2017 and I am doing my third round and we’re feeling good about everything. If you're crossing your fingers reading this hoping I didn't get another lead follicle, well I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I did. But don't let that get you down! Dr. Friedman explained to me that they do see this happen time to time, they just weren’t expecting it with me,( they typically see this happen in woman closer to the age of 40, but again differs from person to person) but since it had happened all three times now it was how my body responded to the injections and we kept moving forward. We ignored the lead follicle and concentrated on the other follicles. I was also doing my best to channel all the positivity I could and then send that energy to those tiny follicles growing in my body. We have now reached the week before my retrieval and all is looking good, well, as good as it was going to for us.
Finally, two years after we started this process I was going to have my first retrieval and Brett and I were nervous, anxious, and excited. So before I tell you the outcome of our retrieval I should give you some statistics. The doctors explained to us that when it comes to the eggs retrieved 50% are usually viable and then about another 50% of the viable eggs that are fertilized actually turn into embryos. So as you can see the numbers drop drastically so you can only hope a decent amount of eggs are retrieved so your odds of more embryos are higher. After my retrieval we were given the exciting news that 12 eggs were extracted and of those twelve, 6 were viable. They then proceeded to fertilize the eggs with Brett’s sperm. It is a 5 day process to see if fertilization is successful. The LONGEST 5 days ever! So, on day 5 we were given the final outcome. Of those 6 eggs, 2 reached the Blastocyst stage ( blastocyst stage means the fertilized egg has successfully turned into an embryo). The 2 embryos were immediately frozen and would now be stored until we were ready to move forward. Another bit of info they give you is a rating on your embryo. Its a 2 point rating ( one rating is for what will be the amniotic sac and the second rating is what will be the fetus) so our two embryos had rating of “good/good” and “fair/fair”. ( Anything below a “Fair/fair” rating is not usable and unfortunately discarded.)This wasn’t the best news nor the worst news and we were still excited and counting our blessings!
Now having 2 frozen embryos, we started to think about the future and the odds of them taking during a transfer. We had a follow-up appointment with Dr. Friedman and, because of the lower ratings of our embryos we were thinking it would b best to do a double transfer in the hopes one would take. With doing that though, we ran the chance of neither taking and being left with no embryos. So after some more talking and praying we decided I should do one more round of IVF. My fourth round was pretty much the same as the first three. I was on the highest level of meds, still showing a lead follicle but, otherwise going well, or so we thought. At my fourth retrieval they extracted 11 eggs. Come day 5 we got the upsetting news that none fertilized and we had a failed cycle leaving us with 0 embryos that time around. To say I felt broken was an understatement. I literally crumbled to the floor in my kitchen and cried. It is so hard to not immediately blame yourself for something that is completely out of your control. But after a few days of mourning our failed cycle, i got back up, and I decided to do a little research about some holistic things I could do to potentially help if I did one more round.
I did not mention it, but in my very first cycle I had gone to an acupuncturist called “Fertile Turtle” (no i did not make that up, and yes that is the actual name of the company). Fertile Turtle specializes in acupuncture for fertility. Whether you’re doing IVF, just trying to get pregnant naturally, or whether you're a man or woman, Lori at Fertile Turtle, hopefully helps your body channel the blood flow and energy it needs to successfully become pregnant or accumulate eggs. Anyway, as I am sure many know or can assume this process is not cheap. So during the 3 other cycles I did not see an acupuncturist in order to save some dollars. But when Brett and I talked we decided that we didn't put in all this energy to give up after that last failed round, and that I would do one more, we thought it would be best for me to pull out all the stops.
Dr. Friedman thought it was a great idea and a few months (in April 2017) before I was going to start my 5th cycle (in June 2017) I started seeing a different acupuncturist and taking every supplement under the sun! While I was at one of my first acupuncture appts the therapist recommended a book to me that she likes to lend to her patients. It is called “ It starts with the Egg”. This was probably one of the most interesting books I have read to date! It was eye opening to read how much the choices we make effect our bodies. From our diet to heating food up in plastic, or even the cleaners we use. I took this book to heart, switched out our cleaning products, threw out our plastic Tupperware and replaced it with glass and made some switches to my diet. I was feeling better and optimistic about going into my 5th and last cycle. And this was definitely going to be my last cycle no matter the outcome.
Brett and I had decided, no matter how many eggs were retrieved or how many embryos were made this last round, it would be the end of our IVF journey. At some point you have to realize that things are meant to be a way for a reason. And if we were only meant to have 2 embryos than that would be ok and we would hope for the best. We did not want this to consume us and honestly didn't know how much more my body could take. Along with being on all the IVF meds I was also on blood thinners for precautionary reasons which took a toll on my stomach. Not only were the physical injections exhausting but mentally and emotionally we were exhausted. Always wondering if the cycle was going to be successful? Would we do another round if it wasn’t? Plus the stress while on the meds, just praying and hoping that everything is working and doing what is suppose to be doing. It was time for us to count our blessings and move forward with our life regardless of the outcome, and we were ok with that!
Now we are in May of 2017 and I’m still seeing the acupuncturist and preparing for some much needed R&R in Hawaii for my best friends wedding. It was the perfect situation: we packed our bags, and I packed my geriatric pill box filled with supplements and we were off to relax in the sun for 10 days surrounded by some our best friends. We would then return home and I was set to start my last cycle that June! Hawaii was exactly what we needed to disconnect a little and let my body recharge. When we got home it was back to the pharmacy and, come June, our kitchen was turned into an injection lab and we had officially started our last round. During this cycle all was looking as it usually did. Before we knew it was time for the egg retrieval.
Having had the 4th cycle fail we are only human and cant help but think it might happen again but we were feeling optimistic and were prepared for any outcome. So when the procedure was done and Dr. Friedman said she retrieved 14 eggs we were over the moon! This was the most they had retrieved to date! Then on day 3 of fertilization the lab told us we had 3 eggs on track and one they were continuing to monitor that could potentially catch up. Now it is day 5 and I’m am clutching my phone like my life depends on it waiting for the lab to call. When the phone rang our hearts dropped and we answered only to be given the most glorious news that the 4th egg had caught up and we had a total of 4 eggs that reached Blastocyst!! That meant we now had a total of 6 frozen embryos and I’m pretty sure Brett and I both fell to our knees overwhelmed with excitement and relief. After we remembered we still had the lab on the line. They proceeded to tell us that, of those 4 embryos, three were rated “good/good” and 1 “good/fair”. For three of our embryos to be rated “good/good” in the IVF world was like music to our ears!
The success of this last round made every other round of injections, ultrasounds, Dr. appts, acupuncture, lifestyle change, and supplements totally worth it! Our odds of a successful transfer was looking more promising and Brett and I were eager to start the process of hopefully finding the perfect woman to carry our future child. This part of our journey had taken 5 years! Never in a million years did I see this as our story but we rolled with it as the pages were laid out. When we first started the process we figured I’d do one round, freeze our embryos, then we would find a surrogate when we were ready. Well, needless to say, we were definitely ready! I was now 29, Brett 33, and we weren’t getting any younger. The time had finally come to meet the woman who could potentially change our lives forever. So off to Building Families we went!